“Wait…but you’re engaged!!" “Ughh…Can I just see you?!?”

This past weekend, I was reconnected with an old pseudo flame. I call him pseudo because despite his extreme persistence, we never nor will ever have intimate relations with one another. He’s a successful doctor, arguably handsome, and ready to settle down. So what’s the problem? He’s settling down alright—just not with me. That, and his penchant for alcohol, make him a STAY AWAY mating candidate.


So Dr. Thirst, as I like to call him (“thirst” or “thirsty” meaning someone who is super desperado), has been after me for awhile. Since last summer, to be exact. That’s when after a few weeks of dating, in a seedy bar in Brooklyn he decided he suddenly had to tell me something. Ahh yes, the inevitable doomsday confession us single gals hold our breaths for. “I should probably tell you something,” were his exact words. “I’m kind of seeing someone.” Turns out, he was kind of living with his girlfriend. Coupled with his rampant alcoholic binges, I decided that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the guy for me.

Fast forward to last week, where Dr. Thirst resurfaced again like the Ghost of Christmas past. He sent me a text declaring that he simply must see me. After getting shot down several times, he got all Shakespearean  on me, upping the ante by stating he was now “longing to see me.” Hey, I gotta give it to the guy for trying. On another evening, he even [hopefully] feigned jealousy when I told him I couldn’t see him, telling me I should “drop that zero and get with this hero.” That zero was my best friend, Shaunie.

So after all the incessant berating, I finally agreed to lunch with Dr. Thirst this past weekend. After all, a girl does like a free meal every now and then. In the beginning, everything was fine. He’s been sober a few months now, and actually admitted he’s now ENGAGED to his girlfriend. I thought that he must be trying honesty for a change. Something new. But then he started in on how sexually attracted to me he was. Something old. He then began to detail how he’d like to begin sleeping with me, at least until he gets married in December. Obviously, infidelity doesn’t count until then. And after that, if I’d still like to sleep with him, he suggested that we can work something out. After all, he is a doctor, and he knows a woman’s anatomy and really just wants to make me feel good. Man, is he considerate. Plus, his girlfriend is out of town this week so we can really have a go at it, at their place and all. I suppose the old adage is true: while the cat’s away, the mice will play.

One thing he did mention that actually piqued my interest was how he said that he’d told his fiancé that he will undoubtedly sleep with other women from time to time throughout their marriage. But her response was just to let her know when he’s going to do it. I was shocked, to say the least. I personally would like to believe that the man I marry isn’t already thinking about cheating on me before the ink’s even dry. I mean damn, can you at least be head over heels for me for a little while?

This to me begs the questions, are these our options in this day and age if we want a successful husband, or any husband, for that matter? Maybe in the days of yore, a man would at least be discrete about his indiscretions. Nowadays, maybe Dr. Thirst and his cohorts figure it’s easier to just put it all out on the table. Is it naïve to expect your significant other to not be thinking about sleeping with other people before you’re even married? What would you do if your fiancé, male or female, in their sweetest, most loving voice, proposed that sort of deal to you?